Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than power. It is almost the same as a family. How to find good and faithful friends?
1. Where to meet new people
1.1 Club or organization. This is a great way to find new people with common interests. It is not necessary to have many common interests in order to make friends with a person. In fact, often the best friends are little alike. However, if you are interested in a specific topic, then find a place where people with similar interests gather.
Churches, mosques, temples and houses of worship will be a great place to meet religious people. Remember that they do not go to someone else’s monastery with their charter, so it is important to show respect.
In addition to religious organizations, you can also become a member of a scientific circle at school, sing in a choir, join a club for lovers of knitting, or find another interesting activity.
If you play a musical instrument or sing, you can become a member of a group or choir.
1.2 Become a member of a sports team. Often we mistakenly believe that you need to be a good athlete to make friends with teammates. Not all teams are created to win competitions. If you get pleasure from playing sports and support partners, then even a relaxed attitude to training will allow you to make new friends.
During games and training, you can get close to teammates and make new friends.
1.3 Become a volunteer. Volunteer organizations are a great place to meet new people of all ages. Common work unites people and allows you to get acquainted with those who share your aspirations (common goal).
Offer your services at a nursing home, hospital, or charity.
Look for an opportunity to meet you. If you want to make friends, you first need to leave the house and meet new people. Sitting alone, you are unlikely to find friends. While at school, try to join a company of people. It is not necessary to choose the most crowded table in the dining room, but there must be at least two people behind it.
Understand that friends are unlikely to come and knock on your door while you are sitting at a computer in your room.
2. How to take the first step
2.1 Talk to people. You can enroll in a section, go to school or attend church, but you will not make friends unless you talk to people. Moreover, for communication it is not necessary to become a member of any organization. Each conversation is an opportunity to find a friend. Often conversations come to a standstill and we never see our interlocutor again or remain familiar, but some people become our friends for a long time.
You can talk to anyone: a store consultant, a person in the next seat on the bus, or in line. Do not be too picky.
2.2 Keep eye contact and smile. If you look unfriendly, then people are unlikely to want to make friends with you. Keep eye contact during the conversation and smile amiably.
Try to show interest, don’t squint, don’t talk with a stone face, don’t frown, don’t cross your arms (such a gesture literally shouts “don’t talk to me”) and don’t get into a corner. A similar body language indicates emotion and lack of interest.
2.3 Start a conversation. Finding a person with whom you do not mind making friends, you need to start a conversation with him. This is the only way to get closer and start a friendship.
Say something about the situation. Most often they say about the weather: “It's good that the rain has already stopped!”
Ask for help: “You will not help me bring these boxes?” Or “What do you think it is better to choose a gift for mom?”
Say a compliment: “You have a wonderful car” or “I like your shoes.”
Then ask the relevant question: Do you like warm weather? What do you usually give to your mom? Where can I buy similar shoes?
2.4 Start a casual conversation. Follow the rule 30% of the time to talk and 70% of the time to listen during small talk. It is important to remember that this is only a general rule, which may vary depending on the situation.
People like to talk about themselves. If you listen more than say, then you will look like a welcome friend.
2.5 Remember to introduce yourself at the end of the conversation. It is enough to say: “By the way, my name is ...”. Usually in this situation, the person will also introduce himself in response.
Remember the name of the person. If you remember the details of previous conversations, then you will show not only your mind, but also attentiveness and desire to make friends.
2.6 Invite a person for lunch or a cup of coffee. So you can calmly talk and get to know each other a little closer. Invite a new acquaintance to go to a cafe and leave your email address or phone number so that a person can contact you. It’s okay if he doesn’t provide his contact information in response.
Say something like this: “Well, I have to go, but if you do not mind continuing our conversation, then I can leave my phone number or email address.”
Do not take it to heart if a person does not have time for new friends. Just tell your contact information to people with whom you would like to make friends, and subsequently one of them will contact you.
2.7 Invite to meet. You can communicate with a person at least all day, but if you do not provide the opportunity for a new conversation or meeting, then you are unlikely to be able to make friends. This is especially important in a situation where you meet a random person and do not meet again.
Tell your new acquaintance that you can meet and watch a football match or have lunch. You can also get together and go to a movie or a bar.
2.8 Look for common interests. If you have common interests with a person, then ask questions about this and find out where you can meet other like-minded people (for example, in a club). It may turn out that you can also become a member of the club. If you show genuine interest (where? When? Who can come?), Then you can be invited to a meeting.
If you know an organization, group or community of people who will be interesting to a new acquaintance, then leave your phone number or email address and offer to go to a meeting together.
3. How to maintain friendship
3.1 Be a true friend. Surely you have heard about people who are friends before the first problems. They happily communicate with you while everything is going well, but disappear when you need help. Be a true friend to attract people who value this quality. Make sure that your words do not diverge from the deed, and then you will find true friends.
If you want to become a good friend, then get ready to sacrifice your time and energy to help friends.
If a friend needs help in a difficult business or a friendly shoulder, then be prepared to find time for this. If friends are joking, then laugh with them.
3.2 Be a good friend. When spending time with potential friends, do not forget to make efforts. If you want to make good friends, you first need to become a good friend yourself. No one wants to build normal friendships with an ungrateful person.
Organize meetings, remember birthdays, show interest in friends' lives. If this is not done, then friendship will become one-sided and awkwardness will arise between people.
3.3 Be a reliable person. When promising to do something, always keep your word. People need to know that you can rely on. If you possess such qualities, it will be easier to attract people who value reliability and behave exactly the same.
If you have agreed with a friend about the meeting, then do not be late and do not miss the meeting.
If you are unable to arrive on time or even come, then report it as soon as possible. Apologize and ask to reschedule the meeting.
Do not make a person wait without warning, as this is rude and does not contribute to the strengthening of potential friendship.
3.4 Learn to listen. It seems to many people that a “potential” friend should seem like a very interesting person. In fact, it’s much more important to be able to show your own interest in others. Listen carefully to others, remember important details (names, preferences and antipathies), ask questions about hobbies and try to get to know the person closer.
Do not try to be the person who seeks to tell the best story or dramatically changes the topic of conversation. Such people are too passionate about themselves.
3.5 Build trust. The beauty of friendship lies in the fact that you can talk about anything with a close friend, even tell your innermost secrets. Before a person can open up to you, you need to build a trusting relationship.
Trusted people have the ability to keep secrets. Everyone understands that you can’t tell other people the information that you were told in confidence.
3.6 Highlight your good qualities. Show your best qualities that other people don’t have. Show how you are different from the rest. Talk about your interests and hobbies. Share facts from the past with your new friends. Any person has something to tell about themselves, so do not be silent. Show people your uniqueness.
A bit of humor will always benefit the conversation. Everyone likes to talk with someone who knows how to make laugh.
If you have an unusual sense of humor, it is better to warn new friends that you are just joking, otherwise you may be considered an eccentric. It will also allow people to better understand you and even become interested in your unconventional humor.
3.7 Stay in touch. Often people lose contact with friends because of employment or lack of interest in friendship. This situation is fraught with termination of relations. Subsequently, trying to contact a person again, it will be more difficult for you to restore your former friendship.
Friendship is hard work. Take time and tell your friends about life events. Respect other people's decisions and share your plans. Try to communicate regularly.
3.8 Choose friends wisely. When you make new friends, you will notice that it’s easier to communicate with some people than with others. Everyone has the right to the presumption of innocence, but sometimes it’s clear that some relationships are harmful if the person constantly needs something from you, he tries to control friends, constantly criticizes others or introduces danger into your life. In this case, you should stop such a friendship as soon as possible. Take care of those friends who positively affect your life, and also try to be a grateful friend.
If you need to part with an inappropriate friend, then try to engage yourself in other things like volunteer work, to honestly say that now you simply do not have time (do not spend more time with other friends, as a person can notice this and be jealous, but you don't need drama).
Try making friends with your desk partner or someone who looks lonely. Such people are almost certainly open to communication.
Be ready to help. In difficult times, it is especially important to have a close friend.
You don’t have to be a guy shirt for friends to think you’re fun. Try to behave in a positive and friendly way so that people will be pleased to be in your company.
Meet the friends of your new friend. So you can make friends with a lot of people.
Think twice before saying anything. A careless word can easily hurt or insult a close friend.
Be helpful to people. Behave in a way that friends want to spend time with you.
Treat your friends the way you want them to treat you.
Never give up old friends because of new acquaintances.
Do not gossip behind friends.
Do not behave impudently with new people, otherwise you will quickly lose their favor.
Do not bother your friends.
Never show disrespect, otherwise you will be treated the same.
I want to make friends - tips
Pay attention to the people around you at work. Bring a cake and gather everyone at lunchtime. Chat with the staff. In the process of communication, there are sure to be those that share your views and beliefs. You will surely find friends who will later become friends.
After all, you have a lot in common:
The people around you
You spend a lot of time together
Corporate parties and parties.
In addition, this is an additional incentive to the desire to go to work in the team where they love, wait and support you.
There are many topics for conversations with colleagues:
A read book by a contemporary author or classic,
New manicure of a fashionable employee,
Your mom’s grandson sweater
News on the Internet,
Change of weather.
Choose and sweep away unnecessary people.
Do not communicate with unpleasant people. They are depressing to your psyche. In addition, continuing relations with those who arouse antipathy in you, leave less time and opportunities for acquaintance with interesting and positive people. Do not flatter yourself, if you initially felt hostility towards a person, nothing will change in the future. Only now you will regret the lost time.
Try to draw on paper someone with whom you think you would like to talk to. No need to draw a portrait of a man. After all, external qualities are not the main thing. List those character traits, demeanor, level of intelligence that your intended friend should have. Include the following items in the list:
They say that thoughts are material, maybe you will find out a person corresponding to your wishes, among those with whom you are familiar.
Flattery is not friendship.
A man makes a friend also to know the truth about himself. A true friend will not flatter and dissemble. It should seem strange to you if you hear constant praise and exclamations from you from the mouth of someone you consider to be your friend. Take a closer look at this person and listen to what others are saying about him. Most likely, friendship will not work for you.
In the role of a lifeguard.
Sometimes people take for friendship that they are constantly being asked. Doesn't it seem strange to you that the person who comes to visit you does not even bring chocolates to your children? But he has a lot of requests to you.
It is not subject to discussion that a friend can be paid in a cafe if he does not have money today. Even invite him for a cup of coffee and a business lunch. However, if it becomes a habit, stop. To begin, tell a friend that today he treats you. Renouncement? Think about it, weigh the situation, and make a decision. Talk to the person, explain that you cannot constantly be in the role of his rescuer. If a person really needed your help, he will explain the reasons. If you are used, a person will be offended.
Like everyone or nobody.
Like or dislike people is also a skill. Some try to please everyone, make a lot of acquaintances, and themselves become entangled in relationships. Try to impress those who truly match your ideas of a true friend. You can use the simplest methods for this:
Smile Not without reason, try to ensure that the expression on your face matches the situation. Contact the person you noticed with a smile or a joke,
Do not chat. The senseless chatter of anyone will piss off. What can we say about the person whose attention you want to attract. Do not complain about life and do not describe in detail the personal misfortunes and hardships,
Listen up. Listening to the interlocutor, you will certainly understand whether he is worth your attention or not. In addition, you will recognize the person. Take an interest in his life, worldview, attitude to aspects of life, life and culture.
It is worth considering only one nuance - you need to be sincere. If you are interested in this person, you should be full of attention at the time of communication. Otherwise, he will understand that you are only pretending to be interesting to you.
There is a flip side to the coin. And does the one you have chosen as a buddy candidate want to be friends with you? Do you meet his claims to the role of a true friend? Do not try to “include the actor” and diligently portray the one whom the interlocutor wants to see opposite to himself. It is not necessary to assent and nod at all his statements. Better express your own opinion. Do not be afraid to express your own thoughts, and do not adapt to it. If you see that a person is offended in response to your opinion, there will be no friendship. Anyone to whom you are interested, as an interlocutor and friend, will surely find a compromise and will not impose his point of view.
Do not try to “get out of your skin” to be interesting. Always be yourself. If at the initial stage of the relationship the interlocutor considers that you are not suitable for him as a friend, nothing will change in the future. At least you will be honest with him and with yourself. By the way, this is important in any relationship between people.
He is not the only one.
The puzzle has developed, you see in front of you that person who is worthy to become your friend. По всей видимости, и тот не прочь завести более тесное знакомство с вами. Но дружба сродни любви – инструмент тонкий и хрупкий. В жизни случается всякое, поэтому не зацикливайтесь на ком-то одном. Он не единственный человек на планете, с которым интересно и весело.
Главное понять, какую ценность вы представляете для человека, и чего он ждет от вас в ответ. If you feel that you have found a soul mate and know that communication will only bring you joy in the future, be friends!
Why people can't make friends
It sounds strange, but some people believe that you can make real friends in your youth and childhood. Allegedly an adult who now knows everything and everything, this is impossible. They give examples and reasons, which boil down to the following:
I was betrayed
There is no sincerity in this world
They only used me
Kindness and understanding remained in childhood.
Think about how often you were sincere with others, how many times in recent months have you shown understanding and concern not only for those close to you, but also for those around you? To an open and kind person people are drawn, like a magnet. It is doubtful that any of these people feel an acute shortage of friends at any age.
There is one more nuance. Friendship is, first of all, work on oneself and one’s own intolerance towards other people's shortcomings. And only then, joint work aimed at becoming truly close people. True friendship will never be such without the support, respect and attention of the parties to each other. This is a process that requires effort and soul to be invested in it.
Another aspect of friendship is trust. This attitude takes a long time. In order not to upset the delicate balance, you need to be crystal honest with a friend. A person will feel the falsity and recognize a deliberate lie. Once this happens, trust will break up like a house of cards. Returning a good attitude will not work out soon, but maybe it won’t work out at all.
Do not rely on the opinions of people who claim that true friendship, like true love, occurs once in a lifetime. This is absurd! It all depends on the person himself, and on the desire to find a like-minded person, an interesting interlocutor, a reliable partner in one person - a true friend.