If you are very upset overweight, but you still use the same excuses for yourself, then it's time to realize that they do not allow you to move forward and make you believe in your own powerlessness in front of the problem. And since it is very difficult to give up old habits, then again and again you come up with an excuse for yourself why you cannot cope with being overweight. It's time to finally understand that you are able to influence the situation and regain control of your life.
This material is based, inter alia, on the personal experience of a specialist.
Now Sergey Anatolyevich is 60 years old. At 35, he was addicted to addiction psychotherapy. A particular case was food dependence, habitual overeating.
Treatment with NLP methods proved to be popular among patients, and Gorin first tested the developed system of work with food addiction on himself. The system will not be disclosed here, but psychology of weight loss, according to the author, the same with any diet.
And if you decide to lose weight, but eat the same as before, only to a lesser extent, the article will be useful to you.
He wanted to know for himself how the technique works. He did not change his lifestyle, he did not go to a fitness club - he was an ordinary doctor at a sedentary job and on a strict diet.
Gorin periodically repeated a course of weight loss, so two sets of clothes (thin - thick) had to be kept for another ten years.
It was then that the psychiatrist realized: to sit on any diet, need motivation, therefore psychology weight loss should come first.
We will deal with it in this article.
Tip 1: set the right goal
You decide to lose weight. Now answer the question: what for?
If, for example, your answer: “I want to be beautiful and slim, as before childbirth!” - then it is wrong. And you will not achieve the goal, because it is not the goal.
So, your brain will never work on a snag task, it will only work with real motives and tasks.
How does the brain distinguish a real task from a pseudo-task? Something like this: “She wants to be beautiful, but she is already beautiful. This is constantly told to her by children and her husband. And other men stare at her. Let him draw eyelashes and eyebrows, but I don’t think this task is serious and I won’t take it to work. ”
Again: what for you need it in fact? Well, a hundred people consider you beautiful, and a thousand will count - and what are you going to do with this thousand? There is no answer - and the brain considers the task to be false.
What purpose is considered correct? People usually think that losing weight is a desire for the beauty of the body, but it is nothing more than a beautifully sounding motive.
Now I will explain what this means.
The right goal is well-being, and only it. Previously, you took off on the stairs to the fifth floor without shortness of breath, now you are suffocating on the third floor. The correct goal for you is to recall in detail the sensations as it were without shortness of breath.
You used to love to ride a bike, and you could even carry a child, but now it’s hard for one to resist ... The right goal for you is to remember in detail the feeling of how it was when your legs converged.
When the right goal is set, you will lose exactly as much as you need to achieve the goal.
Your motivation is remember those pleasant sensationsthat, in different contexts, accompanied the lower weight of your body (each word is key).
Motivation will be strengthened many times as soon as reality begins to coincide with memories.
When a goal is set, you need to dream about it, this strengthens motivation.
“Yes, now I am limiting myself in something, but how great it will be when I reach my goal!” – you can’t dream like that. This fundamentally refutes the goal.
Now I will teach you to dream productively. But first, I’ll explain how the brain works.
Firstly, he does not distinguish between the real image and the invented one - he reacts equally to both types of images.
Secondly, the brain is lazy, and the body is even lazier. If you can’t work, they don’t work. If they thought that there is no problem, they do not solve it.
What happens when you dream how will look? You watch the movie with you in the title role, you see yourself, the star of the screen, and envy on the faces of others (usually women do this). Or go to the mirror and begin to draw your ideal image on a living reflection - along with the cubes on the stomach (this is the usual strategy of men).
Your brain got perfect look, which he himself drew, for him the main thing is that he already saw your goal achieved! And if you now say, “The task is to lose weight,” the brain objects: “No, don’t, I just saw you skinny. There is no task, I won’t work ”.
What is a quality dream in terms of NLP? I will give a couple of terms: associated and dissociated self-image.
The first means that in your dreams you see, hear, feel surrounding reality - as if you were already in that place and in the role that you only dream about.
Watch the related video
The second term - you see myself fromyou as a viewer admire yourself in the same place and the same role.
By analogy with the movie in the first case, you are a hero, and when you fight with a crocodile, you see the mouth of a crocodile. And in the second case, you are a spectator who admires a muscular hero defeating a crocodile.
So, the starting point:
If you become a spectator of your achievements, there will be no effect. Therefore, you need to look not in the mirror, but on your favorite dress, which you could never wear after giving birth, although the child has already learned to walk! Or your favorite jeans (an option for men) that you are trying to pull on yourself now, and they don’t fit on your stomach!
Important: sensations for a dream should be made out in positivebut not in the negative. In terms "let it be"and not “let it not be”, “I remember this sensation and want to feel it again”, and not “I want to remove the feeling that I don’t like now”.
Self-denial requires irrational psychological preparation (every word is key).
What does belief have to do with what? I'll explain now. Any limitation of yourself, any forcing yourself, any “I want, but I won’t!” is self-denial. And keeping a diet, forcing yourself to diet from the perspective of NLP is no different from a suicidal “feat”.
That is, it differs in internal content and amplitude, but not structure, no matter how cynical it sounds.
Self-denial is needed - what? No, not motivation. Self-denial needed training.
Let's take a simple example - religious posts. It would seem that what a Russian peasant of the 18th century needs to enter Great Lent? Food is already quite scarce and mostly vegetable, in the year from 178 to 212 fasting days, but no - he getting ready to the post. is he prays.
And in this prayer there is nothing logically reasoned: in fact, the believer repeatedly repeats to himself that the restrictions will be maintained in the name of God. That is, self-denial somewhere brings a person closer to the Lord, but basically it is a personal sacrifice to the Lord, an action of solidarity.
The believer says: "I choose a post".
Self-denial, self-restraint is always lack of freedom, but if a person considers this lack of freedom to be ideologically justified, he receives the illusion of complete freedom.
As soon as a person instead "I have to" He speaks "I choose", he considers his behavior to be a manifestation of enormous freedom, and himself - unsurpassed free.
Roughly the same thing is done by people who are on a strict diet — they can sustain a diet only if they make an ideological revolution in their head. Otherwise, you should not even try.
I’ll be brief: what to believe? Not that you will achieve the goal. And not even that you can achieve the goal.
Then everything will be easier.
These three initial positions - motivation, dreams, beliefs - create the basis for weight loss.
Strengthen your motivation, noting all, even minor, cases of coincidence of the current reality with memories. “Look: I’m entering the second step without shortness of breath! Just like before! ”
NLP describes the nutritional strategy of a naturally slender person.
The main thing in it is to distinguish hunger and appetite, understand when you're already full, and don't eat upif satiated.
Alas, almost all of us in childhood were taught to eat everything that lies on the plate, so the action “I ate half a sandwich, I don’t want to, the rest is in the refrigerator” for many it turns out to be extremely difficult.
This strategy can be set consciously for yourself, and later I will describe a simple technique that will allow you to learn to distinguish hunger from appetite.
In the meantime, try not to eat in the catering, there is too great a temptation to eat everything on the plate - you paid for it!
How does a person with a naturally slender strategy eat in the dining room? Salad, meat without a side dish - that's all. Why so little? Because yesterday he also took soup, and there was a feeling that he had overeaten, today he corrects the mistake.
There is another important detail in this strategy: if you take food five times a day, then you end up eating less than if you eat 2-3 times a day.
If you have breakfast and lunch as you used to, and for a snack, take not sandwiches, but vegetables and fruits, you will get the desired fractional food.
Eat under-salted and unsalted: salt is a powerful appetite stimulant.
I also recommend losing weight.
Objectively, by the end of the day, a person wants to drink, not eat. There is no nutrient deficiency in the body, but there is a fluid deficiency, and what we used to take in the evenings for hunger is false hunger. In order not to provoke it, introduce a reasonable food ritual: an hour before going to bed, drink a glass of juice, milk, kefir.
Set an alarm on your phone an hour earlier than you go to sleep, and I don’t want to drink through. Then you will not go to bed with hunger.
What dinner should be and how to moderate your appetite, you can read in the article "What foods can not be eaten at night and how to cheat your hunger."
Tip 6: know how the body works
Whatever diet you choose, here are two more tips.
The first is homeostasis: the body seeks to maintain its current physical condition. On the most hungry diet, you very easily lose the first kilogram, but it is not a kilogram of fat that has broken up, but liver glycogen.
Further weight loss will go irregularly: you will maintain your previous weight for 3-4 days and only then notice that they have become 300-400 grams lighter.
Is it possible to deceive him?
There is a second clue to this - quick weight loss techniques. They come down to the removal of water: bath (steam room), salt wraps and salt baths.
After the procedure, you can not drink at least an hour, a kilogram of weight goes away (if the bath with massage, then one and a half kilograms).
Dry fasting is not good. On strict diets, be sure to take multivitamin complexes with minerals.
You lost weight, after six months he returned. How to avoid this?
I'm afraid that nothing. Weight is determined by two indicators:
• metabolic rate, metabolism.
For each level of metabolism, the body sets its own level of homeostasis, including body weight. You can shake homeostasis by changing the whole way of life: both physical activity (it stimulates metabolism) and the amount of food.
If you keep physical activity the same, then you can maintain the same weight only by a constant restriction in food.
Tip 8: Use NLP Technique
How to distinguish hunger from appetite and all this from thirst?
There is an exercise - simple, but requiring careful execution.
• Raise your right hand in front of you with your palm up and see in your palm a mini-sculpture of yourself in a state of wolf hunger. Feel in detail all the sensations: both in yourself and in your hand. Lower your hand.
• Raise your left hand in front of you with your palm up and see in the palm of your hand a mini-sculpture of yourself in a state of "gluttony, now burst." Again, in detail, feel all the sensations: both in yourself and in your hand. Lower your hand.
Important: if you can’t see these images, then the exercise is not suitable for you.
• Start rubbing your palms against each other as if washing your face. Do this until the sensations in your hands become exactly the same.
Everything. Now you will clearly feel while eating when you are already full.
Character traits that contribute to being overweight. When it is useless to diet
The question that anyone who asks himself with an overweight problem and wants to figure it out asks himself is whether there is any connection between my character, personality traits, upbringing, which largely determine my behavior, and this very disturbed eating behavior? Let's get it right.
Yes, in the last five years, the first studies have appeared, confirming: people with an impaired type of food have a fairly stable set of personality characteristics, and these characteristics are not the result of excess weight, obesity or an eating disorder, they were long before a person began to experience such Problems.
1. Meet the needs of others. Pleasantry
This is one of the basic characteristics of a person with a disturbed relationship with food. The moment we tell ourselves that we will take care of our needs later, after we do something for the other, we, in fact, recognize ourselves as less valuable than others. Going to work with temperature means recognizing that the needs of the owner of the enterprise, boss or client are more important than yours. To volunteer to help a friend who is not even a close friend of yours, to repair an apartment, too.
I feel inability to say no when they ask me to help, moreover, I find that I constantly get involved in situations where it is necessary to sacrifice my time, money, strength - in favor of someone else.
Even when it comes to the closest people, whose rights to our free time and energy are recognized unconditionally, it is worth considering the balance of settlements - how often do the needs of the husband (wife) and children turn out to be more important than yours?
If you all go for a walk together - who chooses the route and what exactly is the subject of discussion - what will be interesting for children, where would your partner like to go, or what would you like more? If you go to the cinema - how often do you watch a movie that interests you? When do you choose a vacation? Buying a family car? Planning a family holiday? Ask yourself all these questions and see if there is room in your family or close relationship to meet your personal needs.
And then, finally, the whole family you go to a restaurant or sit down for dinner at home. And then you say to yourself, quietly, inaudibly: “No, now this time everything will be the way I want!”. The more you deprive yourself in other areas, the stronger the tendency to come off in an area where no one can decide anything for you, an adult independent person - in the field of food.
Recognizing the continued priority of other people's needs over their own is a manifestation of an extremely low sense of self-worth. If I feel my low value, then love and recognition must be acquired through labor. And the “plizer” rushes to commit multiple acts of self-sacrifice, being unable to stop.
Not to save anyone and not to help anyone means to feel a strong sense of guilt: my existence is not justified. Constant guilt is a characteristic feature of people with impaired diet, especially compulsive eaters.
Each time, sacrificing my needs, I hurt myself, I get hurt and feel whether I want it or not, a strong sense of anger. Not knowing how to express it, panicky afraid of losing the love of others, because I allowed myself to get angry, I swallow my anger. It is this hidden function that is most often carried by bouts of gluttony among compulsive eaters: to hide, suppress, strangle, drown anger that rages inside calories.
2. Glide! Dissociation
In the long term, the relationship of a person who habitually suppresses anger with other people changes. And that's why. Relations without conflicts do not exist. If my goal is to completely avoid any conflicts, then my task is to avoid intimacy. I begin to function at some distance with a loved one, as if not touching him. Indeed, then no conflict happens.
Since I regularly carry out acts of violence against my own body (everyone knows the feeling of nausea that accompanies overeating), I also dissociate with the body, that is, try to exist with him at a distance. I cease to feel that I am eating, I drink, I cease to feel almost anything except severe physical pain - or blissful nothing.
There comes a state of detachment from one’s own emotions, comparable to that experienced by people who have long been taking strong antidepressants. In a similar condition are children experiencing prolonged physical or sexual violence in the family. I am here - but not quite here, I am present - but I can feel nothing.
Once at a primary appointment, a young woman, in response to a question whether she eats to cope with negative emotions, completely sincerely and innocently answered: “I start to eat long before any emotion can appear, so that I can later guarantee nothing” . Переедание — акт, позволяющий волшебным образом управлять реальностью и менять ее по своей воле.
Obese people often complain of constant physical pain - they hurt muscles, strained back loads, swollen legs, joints. Blissful nothing, a state of true oblivion is attainable during acts of absorption of food. That is why a true compulsive glutton necessarily experiences a state of "loss". I went to the kitchen for one cookie - I woke up when the package was over. I wanted to take a handful of nuts - I did not remember how much I ate.
3. Be perfect! Perfectionism
What does it mean to be a perfectionist, in contrast to being a person capable of significant achievements? What is the difference? It is very simple: as a perfectionist, I do not leave room for myself to make a mistake, it simply cannot be. Perfectionism is when the result for me becomes significantly more valuable than myself.
A person who is mentally healthy, at certain moments, is still able to refuse to achieve the goal, because it threatens to take away health, destroy relationships, or simply take too many valuable years of life. Perfectionists choose to maintain falling life energy with chocolate and sweets - and again towards the goal. That is why, when deciding to lose weight, it is so important not only to determine what my specific goal is - how much to weigh in grams, but also to understand how realistic it is.
A common case - I want to lose weight in order to "fit" into "pre-pregnant" jeans, in a wedding dress, in a graduation dress. Think why you need this? To feel the triumph for a minute - have I not changed a bit since prom? If you really haven’t changed, it’s a disaster, which means that all the past years have failed to teach you anything. And if they have changed, how could this not affect the body?
Recognize that your desire to “weigh again as in 10th grade” is a fantasy of being back in 10th grade - young, light, slim, carefree. Nostalgia and even sadness over the past times is an understandable experience, but the only woman who managed not to change from the 10th grade is your Barbie doll. Because it is plastic.
4. Do not lose a minute! Vanity
Psychologists and nutritionists who work with people who want to lose weight often ask to keep two parallel diaries - to write down what they eat and drink and to write down their own emotions briefly throughout the day. Among patients, there are always those who keep a diary for just a couple of days, and then leave this business. Why are they doing this?
They say to themselves: "I have no time." And, most likely, this is true. People suffering from eating disorders often say that, having sat down, finally, to relax in the evening, they suddenly notice a dust lump under the cupboard and jump up to vacuum, or remember the laundry that needs to be thrown into the washing machine, an unfinished report or an unswitched sweater. At work and at home, they spin like a squirrel in a wheel, being able to just lie down and rest only if they have a really high temperature or a broken leg.
Free time is not a taken part of the day for granted - it must be earned, but earned, used productively and for the benefit of society. That is why extremely effective compulsive overeating therapies based on reflection, awareness and meditation fail so often when trying to practice them yourself. I can’t feel that I’m doing something valuable and significant for myself, I allow myself to “engage in nonsense,” which cannot be appreciated in washed plates or vacuum centimeters.
5. Do not give a good chance! Irrational Negative Beliefs
The unconscious compulsive eaters are filled with negative beliefs about themselves, a kind of spells for failure, failure, lack of beauty. In the head of each such person, nests of such thoughts nest — I’m unattractive, I’m not smart enough, I’m not talented. I do not know what to do with my life, I am a loser, I am a bad mother and wife, useless father or specialist.
All this is a manifestation of low self-esteem, which we have already talked about. A beautiful muscular body becomes not only a goal, but also a symbol. In some completely irrational way, I am convinced that I will become ok if my body is ok. One consequence follows from this quality, which is extremely unpleasant for those who treat such disorders.
It is impossible for a compulsive glutton to compliment him so that he hears it, “lets it inside.” Patients say so (fortunately, there is such an expression in the Dutch language) - this does not get inside me. Often good words about me only make me feel awkward, confused - what should I do with this information? I know very well what to do with information about how bad I am - I have experience, but what can I do with what I'm good? Where to put hands, feet, eyes? Can I smile or not?
These are far from all the features, but perhaps the most important. Found them at home? Then dieting certainly does not make sense - you must first build relationships with yourself.