Hello dear friends!
It happens that the behavior of others causes enormous irritation. There are two explanations for this phenomenon. The first says that people really do some stupid things and provoke you themselves, but the other reason is more dangerous.
Its essence affects complex bitterness all over the world, and specifically, this person because of the fact that he is breathing. In these two cases, it is necessary to learn to develop a sound value judgment and, of course, to train the ability to control your own emotions. How not to get annoyed at people and feel free and independent?
For today's material, I have prepared several effective techniques that effectively help pacify the evil lightning that strive to break free! The desire to incinerate with your eyes, to caustically respond to compromising behavior and dissatisfaction expressed in person is nothing more than your personal protest. There are two stages to breaking the current deadlock of negative attitude towards the world:
- stop getting mad at people
- stop getting mad at yourself.
But about this and much more, I will write further. Ready? Then let's get started!
1. Should not
Very often, people do not correctly understand the word "must." They create a powerful image of a person, and when he falls out of him, this triggers a further mechanism of destruction.
If you do not let go of your idea of what duties a person can or does not perform, then it will become easier for you first of all. Disappointment from expectations is what overwhelms a person who obsessively believed in a made-up hero.
Naturally, there are standards of decency determined by society. But this does not mean that everyone around should behave perfectly or as we would like.
And if because of every time when the picture does not coincide with the representation in the head, we will throw a tantrum or fall into despair, then the chance to earn a neurosis or simply spoil the nerves will increase.
What to do? First, stop expecting too much. Especially from loved ones. Give an adequate assessment to others accepting them for who they are. Secondly, you need to let go of the desire to control the situation, cues and behaviors of individuals.
2. And talk heart to heart?
I recommend that you sincerely ask yourself, about what you feel at the moment of embitterment? Why do you want to experience this kind of feeling? What do you get from this?
I think nothing useful. Otherwise, you would not read this article. It is also possible that by expressing such feelings, you feel your own superiority.
This happens with people whose self-esteem is at a critical level of decline. Due to criticism of what is happening or actions, the process of throwing negative from the depths of experience is faster and they feel relieved.
But is it really necessary to increase self-esteem in this way? Your well-being and feeling will improve much if you focus on what you, and not other personalities, are doing.
3. Do not stand aside!
Pessimism, negative emotions and irritability form an explosive tandem. Constant obsession with painful moments makes a person find a reason to scandal.
The reason for this is the suppression of emotions too long and the fear of expressing them because of condemnation. But before rushing from one extreme to another, it is worth understanding the principle of interaction with the approaching aspiration to participate in conflict situations.
At the moment of nervous overstrain, restraining oneself is not an easy task. When someone annoys us, then similar features similarly resonate in ourselves!
At such moments, we can say a lot of nasty things, gloat too much, spill out in sarcasm and become a defensive pose of a scorpion. But then we always regret it.
How to help yourself? Take a deep breath. Try to reassure yourself that you are in a safe place and people do not want to hurt you intentionally.
In the case when a colleague at work allowed himself an extra cue - do not be silent. Express your opinion with restraint and cold, as if you are an uninterested observer.
If a colleague plays you this way constantly, and you always give out the same reaction - anger and lightning throwing, then you should re-read point number 2 again.
1. You talk too much about yourself.
It is clear that your life, your projects and life experience are the main things for you personally, but comfortable communication means the opportunity to talk about something abstract.
The constant translation of the topic of conversation into yourself and your affairs can terribly annoy others. Perhaps the interlocutor also has something to share, and this information will be useful.
Accustom yourself to periodically ask for other people's opinions and experiences. So you will not only become more pleasant in communication, but also learn something new. Psychologists advise adhering to rule 3/4. Three quarters of your remarks can be general judgments or open questions, and only one quarter should be devoted to yourself and your feelings.
2. You often interrupt.
This often happens in conversations between friends, relatives, during informal communication with colleagues. Often a person who interrupts another is so focused on what he wants to say that he does not notice his tactlessness. If you want to intervene in a conversation, remember those unpleasant cases when you were not allowed to finish the thought, and be patient.
3. You are always right.
Another habit that is guaranteed to drive others around you is when a person always wants to stay right, at all costs. And when such unpleasant tricks as rubbing replicas, thinking through the interlocutor and “clinging” to details are used, the dialogue ceases to seem amusing even to the most patient opponents. Even if you are really right - does this truth need to flutter each other's nerves?
4. You are distracted.
If during a conversation you are hovering in your thoughts or delving into the phone, this will be regarded as neglect of the interlocutors. Even if you are not being contacted at the moment, you should listen carefully and portray (at least) interest. People tend to be selfish by nature. But society is built on the fact that we commit ourselves to restrain our egoism towards each other for more effective interaction.
5. You do not understand hints
People who have repulsive communication habits usually do not suspect what impression they make and why. But if you learn to react sensitively to the reaction of others, understand hints and read non-verbal signals, this will allow you to slow down in time. If, when talking with you, a person looks away, turns away, takes a closed pose, sighs, purses his lips - perhaps you are doing something wrong. Or you just say something that is unpleasant for a particular person. Do not bring your vis-a-vis to thoughts in the spirit of "this person infuriates me, what should I do?" Change the subject or completely stop imposing yourself until you have been recorded as non grata person and have begun to frankly avoid.
6. You are too high on yourself
One of the most unpleasant things that we encounter very often is when someone tries to flaunt their knowledge. If a person inserts into speech a lot of complex terms and references that are unfamiliar to those present, this can be unpleasant. He hopes to impress, and he impresses him - but which one? Albert Einstein said the wise thing: "If you cannot explain something to a six-year-old child, you yourself do not understand this."
Do not think that others will not notice if you consider yourself smarter, more successful or more beautiful than them. Fortunately or unfortunately, but such things are “read” by most people even subconsciously and strongly repel. Therefore, you will have to carefully monitor your behavior or reconsider your mindset.
7. You are very fond of advising
The desire to share life experience and knowledge can be dictated only by good intentions. However, one should not forget about the feelings of the “victim”. Sometimes a person wants to get a bit of friendly participation and support, rather than a bunch of instructions. Save advice in case you want to listen to them.
8. You create inconvenience
People don’t like it if you speak too loudly or quietly, mumble to the side or come too close, violating your personal space. If you are constantly asked again, it is obvious that the interlocutor is not comfortable. Touching is also a very risky business, and with unfamiliar people it is better to avoid them. Everyone is used to communicating in his own way. What is familiar to you from childhood is not necessarily acceptable to another.
9. You try too much to please everyone
Such people are always suspected of insincerity and the desire to use others for their own purposes. There is nothing wrong with wanting to please, but you can never please everyone you meet, and not everyone wants to make contacts.
When a person studies and tries to change his social behavior, it takes time. It is very useful to reflect on why he is doing just that, and not otherwise. Each of us has our own set of habits that annoy other people, and understanding the reasons becomes the key to positive change.
4. Do not try to please everyone
It’s worth understanding one simple truth - you don’t have to try to win over all people without exception.
Understand that no matter what you do or what you do, there will always be people who are ready to blame you. And at the same time, there will be those who, regardless of what is happening, will always be on your throne of the barricades.
The desire to please everyone is selfish and does not decorate you as a person. Prove that you are a good person, not shouting disgusting things in your face, but living a full, happy life despite a whisper behind you.
Thus, you spare a couple of nerve cells in the brain and begin to follow your own, unique route without turning into the person you were promised never to be.
I will advise you to resort to the technique of "observer" in order to see the result of irritability with your own eyes. Look at yourself in anger from the side in the example of people you might meet on the street.
Are they similar at the moment of grumbling saliva to the embodiment of something good, bright and welcoming? I think no. Do they look like unbalanced people who want to stay away? Probably yes.
Annoyed at someone, you gradually turn into that person that causes disgust. Do you really want this?
6. Release the grudge
When all attempts to look perfect for other people fail, we experience animal horror. Rejecting oneself makes one feel offended by "bad" relatives. They show you your inferiority and weaknesses.
The formation of resentment and its careful wearing under the heart is very dangerous. The harm to health caused by her is colossal! These can be problems with the psyche, stomach, and immune system.
More and more specialists and doctors are confident that oncological diseases arise precisely because of deep, emotional resentment. Irritability, as a product of the life of low self-esteem and erroneous judgments, can infect you not only with negative attitudes, but also simply destroy a couple of years of life.
Hoping for other people’s mistakes, seeing the world in gray tones and imperfection, will bring nothing good and joyful to your consciousness. So why do you need to go further along the path of self-destruction? Start changing now! Positive thinking helps deal with explosiveness here and now! Feeling growing discontent, try to leave the room or just smile. Test in practice how a smile and proper breathing will make you calmer.
Friends, this is the point.
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